Welcome to another year here at the rANT Farm, although in many ways that count it's our first year. In spite of having four years' worth of columns in the archives, this website is fairly new, and still finding its legs. (It's also still finding its keys, pocket change and underwear from New Years' Eve, too, so be gentle.)

It was a little over a year ago that I decided to go ahead and stop waiting for another magazine to update, and make my own vehicle for expression. Too many things were slipping by unsaid, and I was losing chances to make some noise while what I felt was still relevant, or of interest. I was also missing the thrill of a good, solid kick to the skulls of the deserving, too - the sport of kings!

So this site became my primary sounding board. Since then, I've tried to have one update a week, and with the exception of a few weeks lost to vacation, here and there, I'm pleased to say that I've done just that. I'm also pleased to say that I'm getting a decent amount of hits, though the feedback options are criminally underused...

But you didn't come here to listen to me put myself in traction, did you? No, you came here expecting the same rANTs as always, and I'm not going to disappoint. Not now, not ever - satisfaction guaranteed or I shave your house, spraypaint your cat, steal your walls and sneak into your couch.

But then I'm not going to give you another simpering, wistful or spiteful "year in review" column, either, as they tend to be simpering, wistful or spiteful, not to mention boring. Haven't you read enough of those damn things already? They ought to be illegal... like Bernie Kerik's house help.

So here is something of a "year in review" column, sung vaguely to the cadence - if not the exact tune - of Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire: the song that hypertext footnotes were made for. If you haven't been reading the rANT Farm, you can start your musical journey here, remembering the year what was...

We didn't read the rANT Farm
It has left us churning
And our stomach's turning
We didn't read the rANT Farm
No we didn't like it
But we couldn't fight it

Got off to a tragic start
Mr. Coffee fell apart
Most predictions went askew
Next time stick to Dr. Who

Headscarf ban was then exposed
Got a baguette up my nose
Gil Gerard he made a wreck
Metal sex dwarfs - what the heck?

Janet Jackson's boob was shown
FCC's got boobs of their own
Al Gore III's a big pot-head
Must be Tipper's Grateful Dead

Matt Drudge had a wild affair
Another hat is on his hair
Certain toys we cannot name
Learned the Matrix is no game

Peeled gay marriage back a bit
Get the state right out of it
Clear Channel's found a fall guy -
Howard Stern hung out to dry

Hong Kong Phooey is a mooch -
new book says he screwed the pooch
Our writing habits scrutinized
but NaNoWriMo is no lie

Condi's brain is dancing jigs
But critics are all racist pigs
The Butthole Surfers could define
Her problems down in Palestine

Honesty's a tricky scene
Abu Ghuraib made us scream
Lyndie England is a clown
Rumsfeld really should step down

Ahmed Chalabi in the pan
27 Million Dollar Man
Pat Tillman's now the poster guard
For wars all fought without regard

Ronald Reagan passed away
Stem Cell research here to stay
(And some have said that Ronnie's brain
Was stolen by an alien)

Nostalgia over fleeting fame -
These bands made us say "what a shame"
My "Perfect Band" remembered, too
(Maybe someday I'll write Part Two)

A lesson on repeating crud
you read on blogger's daily flood
There's "fundamental truth" in there?
Then why's Dan Rather off the air...?

Talk to Goddess, feelings dire
Get Her answer by the fire
Let's all curse on Capitol Hill
Alan Keyes gets there, I sure will

AIPAC's ring of spies
Michael Ledeen's bad disguise
France's "attempt" to kick our gob
Has shown up Bush's awful job

Having fun with our friend Bill
Ain't read his book - I never will
Exclusive news from H.P.L.
Scooby kicked Cthulhu's tail

Yusuf Islam shown the door
Could this be 1984?
Mary Cheney likes some Bush
But homophobes won't kiss her tush

Mastebating one and two
Waiting for some cheap voodoo
Threw our hat for John Kerry
But Bush's victory isn't free

Sheikh Zayed has passed away
So did Arafat (oy vey...)
Speaking of leaders, I now feel
They should be on the battlefield

William Kristol - Santa Claus
Bringing war and guns and claws
Jesus Christ - must be gay
Cause he hates the U.S.A.!

On a less nostalgic note, please see that there is a new way to make your opinions about the rANT Farm heard, other than mailing electric eels to Tripod and threatening to tell mommy on us. The 'Comments' link, below, leads to a blog you can leave comments on.

Have fun